dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
