Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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