This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
