please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
