I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
