Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We left the knife in your bed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Randomize
