I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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