Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
