Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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