when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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