i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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