i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
