started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
