Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
