If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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