you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
