I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Enjoy the penises
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
