you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
