we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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