summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
