i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
