Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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