was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
