I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry about my life...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
