I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
