im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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