Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
