There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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