We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
