I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
