I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
