I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
