I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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