Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
