Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
