this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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