Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
