No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
