Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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