I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
