did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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