two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
