I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
