Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
