I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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