pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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