Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
