Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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