I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
