Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
