Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
